Beauty from Unlikely Circumstances

“But the angel said to them, ‘Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.’” [Luke 2:10-11]

Merry Christmas all! Today is a day of joy and celebration! It’s essentially day one of God’s rescue mission to save His people from darkness! Do you see it like that? Do you see that you are so helpless without Him that His coming to earth is worth celebrating like this? Do we see that there is a reason to be full of joy, full of hope, and full of peace? I know I often forget all of this. But it’s incredible! Think about it, we were all walking to our death and all of a sudden God comes down to earth to save us, to pull us out of darkness. How relieving is that! He is finally here and this day is a day to remember that we were once lost, and now we have been found. We were once broken, and now we are made whole. We were once dead, and now we are alive! No wonder we go all out at Christmastime to celebrate and be merry, we have so much to be merry about! But what is so incredible to me is how God chooses to do His work…

This is not just a nice story about a baby and a star and some shepherds and livestock. This is not just a story to make you feel good inside. This is not just a story to tell around the Christmas tree while sipping hot chocolate. In fact, this is not just a story at all. This is history. This is our God. And this is just as relevant today as it was on that night when Christ was born. This is truth. This is our beautiful reality.

^“Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross!” [Philippians 2:6-8]

God chooses to leave His throne and come to earth as a human, to humble himself to the level of a man, to come save us. Save us from what exactly? From ourselves, and from the evil one. As a shepherd protects his sheep from attacks with his rod and from themselves with his staff, so did God come down to protect us from the evil one and from ourselves. David said, “Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” [Psalm 23:4] He came to save us from death, for He is our shepherd. He is a God of love and life. And He is a God of justice, so He came to save us in love and truth. But He came as a baby—the most helpless and vulnerable form. And He came out of a scandalous situation since His parents were not yet married. His parents would have faced a lot of opposition because of their circumstances. This amazes me, why in the world would God choose to enter the world like this? He can do whatever he wants right? Right. So he chose to make something beautiful out of something unlikely. He was born in a humble manger, out of a scandalous circumstance. The God of the universe came into the world in an unlikely way and changed the world forever. Later in life He would save the world as the product of another unlikely circumstance. Death—something very obviously negative—He turns into the most joyful and beautiful event to ever occur because it saved us.

“O holy night, the stars are brightly shining;
It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth!
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope, the weary soul rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.”

-O Holy Night

My God likes to take unlikely circumstances and make them beautiful. Things that no one would ever expect to produce anything good. Nathanael said to Philip, “Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?” [John 1:46] What better way to show the world how glorious and powerful He is? It makes sense for good things to come of good circumstances, but good things from bad circumstances? That’s when people pay attention. That’s when people are changed forever.

“But a certain sign of grace is this
From a broken earth flowers come up
Pushing through the dirt…

And the truest sign of grace was this
From wounded hands redemption fell down
Liberating man”

-David Crowder Band, “Wholly Yours”

(In fact, just go listen to the whole song; it says what I am trying to say better than I can. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jrj0PriR9Bs)

Everyone loves a good story about someone beating the odds and making something of themselves when the whole world is against them. There is power in doing the unthinkable, the unlikely, and the seemingly impossible. This is our God. He makes beauty out of pain. Love out of hate. Peace out of chaos. He really is that good. He made humans out of dust. He restored the world through a flood. He saved the Hebrew people from Egypt through Moses, a Hebrew that grew up in the pharaoh’s household after his mother sent him down the river to save him from death. David, frequently called “a man after God’s own heart”, was also an adulterer and murderer from whose line Jesus would eventually be born. He came into the world as a baby and died a brutal death in the greatest act of love ever known to save His people. Then He spread His gospel through Paul, arguably the most influential man in the early church, who used to be a persecutor of Christians. The list goes on and on.

It doesn’t end there. God still chooses unlikely people to do His work and show His glory to the world. He makes beautiful things out of brokenness, pain, and suffering. Our bad circumstances only grow us closer to Him and strengthen us. The things that hurt us and tempt us make us more aware of how tightly God’s grip on us really is. In Christ, we both die to ourselves and gain incredible life in Him. We see the depth of our sin more and more, but we gain an even greater understanding of how deeply we are loved. He makes good things out of unlikely circumstances. We are a part of a story much bigger than ourselves and it is being written perfectly and beautifully. God is pretty brilliant, I mean, we cannot understand how good God is without also seeing how bad things are. To see Him for who He is, we must have something to compare it to. We cannot understand how deeply His love is without knowing how unworthy we are. We cannot understand His power without hitting rock bottom and being completely powerless. We cannot understand His goodness without seeing how disgusting and vile we, as humans, truly are at our core. We cannot understand how incredible it is that He has rescued us until we see how badly we need to be rescued.

But these bad things only increase our joy on this day. How much more excited we are about the coming of the savior when we know how badly we need to be saved! How much more we want to celebrate! Who says my God is boring!? No way. He is incredible and glorious and powerful and beautiful and bold and creative. He takes unlikely, hopeless circumstances and surprises us by bringing us goodness and peace and love and joy through them. Today is not just a day to make us feel good, it is a day to remember how the world has been changed. A day to remember the reality that we live in—that we are so broken and helpless and He has come to save us with love and power. A day for worship of our King who came to bring hope in a world of darkness—to bring life to the dead. How incredible is our God!?

Merry Christmas my dear friends! May you see how radical His love really is and may He make beautiful things from your unlikely circumstances. Know that He loves you on this Christmas day, and all others, for He came down for you, to save you from the darkness and bring you life and great joy!

“All around, Hope is springing up from this old ground, Out of chaos life is being found in You, You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of the dust”

-Gungor, “Beautiful Things”

Still True

Somehow, after we have been Christians for some time, we start to forget that the gospel is still true. We would never say it, or claim that it wasn’t true, but we fall into a rut of believing that, since we are supposed to be mature in our faith now, grace has somehow run out. We think that after the newness wears off, we must be better, do better, think better, and perform better. We must no longer be the flawed human that came to Jesus originally for His grace, comfort, and love. If we have not yet been transformed, we must be doing something wrong. We believe, in essence, that being a Christian is supposed to make you perfect in this life. This is where we are wrong.

The Church is just as much a bunch of messy, sinful, wicked people as the rest of the world. We are humans and humans are flawed. Being a Christian does not change our sinful nature. No matter how long we live as Christians, we will always be sinful wicked people. We cannot change this. Jesus can, and does, but nowhere does God promise that we will be perfected in this life. Even Paul stated that he had not yet gotten it all together. He didn’t claim to be perfect at all. In fact, he claims just the opposite:

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” [Philippians 3:12]

“So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.” [Romans 7:21-23]

Somewhere along the road we fall into the pit of thinking that we are supposed to be perfect now that we are Christians. But here’s the thing, the gospel is just as true for us now as it was when we first came to Jesus, or rather, when He first came to us. He came to save those who need a savior, and the more we realize that we still need a savior every single day of our lives, the more we will see that this truly is good news. His grace is not a one-time gift, His mercies are new every single day—and I am learning that this is a beautiful truth in which we can have hope and rest. Like manna from heaven, we receive grace again every day, and we need it every day.

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” [Lamentations 3:22-23]

As Christians, we are called to live differently, but nowhere does it say that when we fail, we are somehow disqualified from His grace again. Our hearts are being transformed, and that inevitably changes our actions, but when we “become Christians” we are not instantly made perfect. We are made new. We find new life and new hope and new peace and rest and joy and love in Christ. We finally are able to see that we are hopeless without Him, which makes His love so incredible, so beautiful, and so relieving. We are finally able to rest knowing that the God of the universe loves us in the midst of our brokenness. But we are still broken, that has not changed. We still need Him.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” [2 Corinthians 5:17]

Being a Christian is about realizing your absolute sinfulness that can’t be cured by human hands. It’s about grasping the reality of our need to be saved. If we were perfect, we wouldn’t need Jesus. Being a Christian means that we are His. It means that we see that we are hopeless without Him and desperately in need of His redeeming love. This kind of love changes us. It transforms us. Eventually the transformation will be complete, we will be perfected, but we have no reason to believe that occurs in this life, in this fallen state. We still live as fallen humans—redeemed, but still imperfect.

“being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” [Philippians 1:6]

Do you see the difference? Do you see that it is never about how good you are for Him, but instead about how good He is? This doesn’t change as we mature as Christians. The gospel is still true for us today. We are wicked sinful people being continually saved by a loving God who loves us too much to let us go. And we need Him every single day as we live in the reality of our imperfection.

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” [Romans 5:8]

You have me.

Recently, I have been listening to a band called Gungor. They are amazing, if you haven’t heard of them look them up right now. One song in particular that has basically been playing on repeat in my car is called “You Have Me”. As I’ve been listening to this song, I’ve been thinking of it as a declaration of a man giving his heart to God—as a statement of surrender. “Hey God, here is my heart again, it’s still yours, you still have me.” A rededication of sorts—as if we needed to reassure God that we are still choosing Him. How selfish am I? Do I really think God is up there wondering, waiting, and worrying?

No. By God’s grace, this song just hit me in a radically new way. After hearing it over and over it finally hit me—these aren’t arrogant words of reassurance to God, they are worship. It’s a statement about who God is. What He does. How He loves. He has us. We don’t need to reassure God that we are His, we need to tell ourselves that we are His, every single day. Or we will forget. He knows He has me, He always has known He has me. He made me for goodness sake, why do I think I could be anything but His?

My life is divinely arranged and I need to constantly remind myself of this truth and live in it. Yes, he loves me, He longs for me to choose Him every time, but He isn’t like a needy friend, and I should not be so arrogant to think I am somehow doing Him a favor by gracing Him with my presence, by allowing Him to have me—as if I held the authority in the relationship. He has me whether I like it or not, even though I fight back, resist, and rebel out of selfishness and unbelief. Even though I am unworthy, He has me. I should be in awe of Him, amazed that He would choose me, and falling at His feet in the knowledge that I am so unworthy. It’s not about me at all, it’s entirely about Him. He has me!

How comforting is that? Even when I fail, turn away, seek other things to fill my life, and essentially sell myself out to things I think will satisfy me, He has me. If He has me then I don’t need to worry, I don’t need to stress, I don’t need to control, I don’t need to panic. Fear and worry means I don’t trust His heart for me, but He has me!

“All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” [Psalm 139:16]

If He has me, it’s just about being His. It’s about knowing whose I am, and telling myself over and over and over and over because apparently I am forgetful. His power is perfect. His love is perfect. He has me. By His infinite grace, by His infinite mercy, for reasons I will likely never fully understand, He has me. He has my heart completely. That’s worth writing a song about. I have no idea what compelled Gungor to write it, or even what they intended to convey, but I’m glad this song exists. And I’m glad God broke through my selfish heart and let me know what it was really about.

You Have Me—Gungor

Out on the farthest edge
There in the silence
You were there
My faith was torn to shreds
Heart in the balance
But You were there

Always faithful
Always good
You still have me
You still have my heart

I thought I had seen the end
Everything broken
But You were there
I’ve wandered in Heaven’s gates
I’ve made my bed in Hell
You were there still

You have me, You have me
You have my heart completely

Is my home in Kansas, or in Oz?

Dorothy said it herself, “There’s no place like home”. While I understand the idea behind that—that nothing feels quite as comforting as being home—I think she used the wrong words. You see, home is not about a place. Home is about where your heart is being pulled. If you recall, at the end of the movie The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy has a hard time saying goodbye to her new friends. I don’t know that I would have been surprised if she had made a last minute decision to stay in Oz, abandoning her goal of returning to Kansas. She had made bonds with her new group of misfit friends. She loved them. And it was that love that tied her to them; it was that love that made them a home. Maybe that famous line should have read, “There’s no feeling like home”.

Right now I am a bit of a nomad. When people ask me where I am from I never know quite how to answer. I grew up in one place, but then my dad lives in another. Then I went to school somewhere else. Now I live in a new place that’s not really all that new. I find myself using phrases like “I’m heading home to my mom’s” or “I am going home to my dad’s” or “I have to get back to my home in PA”. I have to clarify where I am going when I say the word home because it could mean so many different things. All of these places were home at one point, and most of them are still home, but not because of the locations. The other day I was back in Newark with a friend and I said, “It’s strange to be back in Newark because I think it should feel like being back home since it was my home for four years, but it doesn’t feel like that at all”. After I thought about that for a while, I realized it was because almost all of the people that had made Delaware feel like home aren’t there anymore. It was never about being at UD, it was always about the people that were at UD with me.

So what is home? You have a home with the people in your life that you love. It doesn’t matter where you are, but who you are with and the love that is between you. I am going to tell you a little bit about all of my different homes. And when I say a little, I mean I am about to tell you a TON.

My mom will always be a home for me. We’re a team, her and I. For so many years it was just us, walking through life together. Her being the wonderful, patient, graceful woman that she is and me being the goofy awkward kid that eventually became a moody teenager and somehow turned into the less awkward, less goofy, less moody person I am today. She let me rant for hours about my bad days while she quietly cooked dinner and put up with my constant failure to do any chores. She laughs with me and cries with me and when I call her just to say hi and we talk for all of 10 seconds, it’s never weird. Our house is not really my home anymore, but she is.

Then there’s my dad. My dad has never hung up the phone without telling me that he’ll always love me no matter what (except that one time, but then he called back just to say it). I remember nights where we would sit in front of the tiny tv eating soup and watching star wars. Then we would play basketball in with a nerf ball that definitely wasn’t a real basketball and a laundry basket on a pole that definitely wasn’t a real basketball hoop. None of the places he has ever lived has been home, but he has always been home. It was never about the place, but being with him is always like being home.

With my dad comes my step-family. Now I know what you are thinking. You have this image of a Cinderella-type arrangement. Dad, step-mom, 2 step-sisters, and then me living in the basement or something. Now, while I do have a step-mom and 2 step-sisters, and I did live in a basement at one point, the parallel to Cinderella stops there. I am blessed to have my step-mom and step-sisters and I am fully confident that wherever we end up in life, no matter what, I will always have a home with each of them. They are beautiful, passionate, creative, unique women that love life and live it to the full. I have laughed and cried with Becca and spent many nights hiding under blankets watching scary movies until we are both too freaked out to walk back up the stairs to our rooms (I wonder if she knows she is literally the only person that is capable of convincing me to watch scary movies). We are extremely different people and we can still end up rolling on the floor in laughter over meaningless silly things. On the other hand, Ellie and I so similar it’s scary. I don’t know if she’s ever noticed that, but it seriously freaks me out sometimes. We both love to laugh. We share a love of books and good food. We ask a lot of questions, so much so that sometimes it makes my dad and step-mom crazy. We don’t take ourselves too seriously and we laugh away our mistakes. We are goofy and silly and when I am with her I typically feel like I am 5 years old again. Then there is Joanne, the woman I am privileged to call my step-mom and friend. She has more joy and passion for life than anyone I have ever met. She is a miracle worker in the kitchen and has made some of the best food my mouth has ever tasted. She does everything with her entire heart and she loves me as if I was her own daughter. Every other Friday night, when I would visit my dad, I would get to the house and sit at the kitchen table while she put the finishing touches on dinner and we would talk. Sometimes it would be meaningless conversation and sometimes it would be a little deeper, but I looked forward to getting to the house just for those times (and for her mashed potatoes). We have grown to be good friends over these years and I treasure the times that we share meals or coffee or just a simple conversation across the counter in our kitchen. These three dynamic women give me a home because I truly love them and they truly love me.

Then there is the small group of friends that know me deeper than anyone else in this world. Naming them each and telling you how wonderful they are would take forever, so I’ll tell you about them collectively. Some of them are old friends, some are newer. They know me so deeply that I can’t hide anything from them. They know when I am lying about being fine and they aren’t afraid to call me out on it. They know my deepest struggles and failures and I have never felt more loved by them than in those moments of vulnerability where they loved me and cried with me and told me I wasn’t alone. I consistently let them down and they consistently love me. We’ve laughed together, cried together, been through heartbreaks and major life decisions, been sad together and been happy together. They are colorful and goofy and fun and beautiful. Our hearts have been bound together in deep friendship and each one of them shows me more and more of Christ the longer we live out this journey together. They are home.

Then there is my life where it is now. While all of these other people I am telling you about are still in my life, I don’t see any of them consistently anymore. They are still very much a part of my life, but I live away from them, in a house that isn’t mine with a family that isn’t mine in a town that isn’t mine. But somehow, though none of it is mine, it’s still home. I live with a family that shows me Christ every single day. They love me and care for me as if I really were a part of their family. I experience what it means to be a part of the body of Christ through this family. At a time where a lot of people tend to feel alone (twenty-somethings just out of college with a part time job in a new place with no friends), I am not alone. I am constantly surrounded by six incredible people that have embraced me as their own. It feels like home, not because of the place, but because they love me.

Along with this family, my life also consists of my current job. My job is unique in that the people that I work with are so wonderful. I am excited to go to work in the mornings because I enjoy being around the people that I work with. They are fun and enthusiastic and so willing to share their lives. There is a joy that I have at work that I love and as cheesy as it is, it kind of feels like a home there too.

Then there is younglife. Talk to any younglife leader and they will tell you how small of a world younglife can be. They are right. Everyone knows everyone and while it may seems like just a lot of acquaintances to the outside person, younglife people have a way of getting really deep really fast. So, we actually know each other really well and truly love each other. My fellow leaders that I interact with regularly are some of the best friends I have ever had. They give of themselves in ways that stretch them and challenge them. They are encouraging and full of life. They share their struggles and their joys and fight to make Christ known. It really is a big family, as cheesy as that sounds, and it’s kind of like being home when I am with them.

If you actually made it this far I am impressed. I just spent a ridiculous amount of time talking about myself. But I needed to make this point. Home is where we fit, where we experience the kind of love that only true family can provide. They are the people that know me. They know my joys and my longings and my faults and my mistakes. They know all of this and still love me, which is completely insane and completely incredible. But here’s the thing, none of this is based on a location. It doesn’t matter where we are, when I am with these beautiful people, I always feel like I am home. Home is not a house or a town or a school. Home is where you heart is being pulled. For me, it is with all of these people that make my life so full, because my heart is with them.

A home is somewhere that you can branch out from on your own and still be connected to. It’s a place you can leave physically, but not really and truly leave behind. Home is the place you can always return to and it seems like something has really changed, no matter how much distance and time has been between you. I have a lot of really excellent homes. Many, if not all, of them are messy and rough around the edges and come with baggage, but they are beautiful not only in spite of that, but because of that. Their joys are my joys and their struggles are my struggles and the other way around. So, it’s not really about where we are, but where our hearts are.

That said, it’s kind of encouraging that I don’t really feel like I have a place to call home. The more in love I fall with God, the less comfortable this world should feel. This world isn’t my home, it’s simply where I reside. One day, I think this all will change. There will actually be a place to call home, a place I belong, a place I was made for. But for now, on this earth, my home is with the people I love that love me, and I am incredibly blessed to have them.

"Oh yeah, that tether could tow a truck."

Those are words that I say almost every day at work to nervous kids that aren't sure whether to take the risks necessary to have adventures. On the zip-line and the ropes course, at least one kid in every group will ask, "Are you sure this can hold me?" While our answers have become somewhat routine, and strategies to talk them through it don't change too much, the fears are very real and very unfamiliar to each and every kid. Today, I encountered one student with a very real fear of the zip-line, and what I learned from her took me by surprise.

As I stood on top of the zip-line tower, a nervous middle-school girl asked me, "what if I let go of this tether as I go down?". Without even thinking, my response was, "well that's ok because even if you let go of that tether, that tether will still be holding you." Immediately I was humbled by the truth of that statement in a deeper sense, and how I fail to believe it for myself. If you've never read John 15:1-17, do it. It'll put all this in context.

While I rarely get nervous on our adventure elements, I can totally understand why this girl was scared. Even though she was told it was safe, and that nothing was going to keep that tether from holding her up on the zip-line, she had never experienced it for herself. She wasn't going to really know that it was safe til she arrived safely at the bottom, but to step off the tower, she had to trust that it was true. I know that I am a branch, held in to the vine. I know that God holds on to me even when I don't cling back to Him. But how often do I not trust it? How often to I question whether it is actually real? How often do I live my life as if it's up to me to hold on? How often do I live (or not live) believing that he won't come through for me, that He won't be good enough?

This girl's fear was unnecessary, just like mine, and I resonate with it so much. I so easily fall into this same fear every day. Father, help me truly trust that You are who You are, that I am safe in You, so that I can experience real life and adventure, and arrive safely at the end, with a full knowledge of Your love, grace, and truth.

You Meet With Me, Under a Sunset Painted Sky

“I’m here to meet with you, come and meet with me.

I’m here to find you, reveal yourself to me.”

-“Meet With Me” by Ten Shekel Shirt

Today was a beautiful day. At a wobbly table outside Starbucks while people were hustling in and out I sat alone, but I wasn’t really alone. Sitting by myself as the sky turned from blue to grey to orange I didn’t feel alone. Under that same sunset painted sky I walked unaccompanied through an almost deserted park at dusk with nothing around but a few runners and the creaking of a swing set. But I wasn’t alone at all. And I knew it. And I felt it. And, what is most astounding, I believed it.

“’Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!’ The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.”

-Psalm 46:10-11

You met me there today at that table and in that park as the world continued to move around me like it always does. As the world was spinning we were changing, You and me. Or, rather, I was changing and You were with me. You don’t change, that’s the beauty about You. You don’t change and Your love that I’ve known for years never changes, You just keep giving me more. More and more, over and over, time and time again. Like today, at that table, in that park. But I change. By Your great mercy I am changed. It is impossible to encounter you and not be changed. Today You met me and changed me right there where I sat, where I walked, as I gazed upon the beauty of the clouds You draped in oranges and pinks and yellows just for me, or so it seemed.

“Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you.”

-Psalm 33:20-22

I set out to find You today and You revealed Yourself. Was it in the way you painted the sky? Was it in the warm air? Was it in the delicious cup of coffee I consumed? Was it in the words I read in that beautifully articulated love letter You wrote to me? Was it in the surprising feeling of love and contentment and peace that I felt rounding the turns of the path as I walked? Was it in the way I knew exactly what I wanted to say to You and ask of You and give to You? Was it in the way that I felt so clearly that You know me better than I could ever hope to know myself? Yes. To all of the above. I came to meet with You, and You met with me.

“Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. The Lord works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed. He made known his ways to Moses, his acts to the people of Israel. The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.”

-Psalm 103:1-8

Taylor, Peter, and I Never Wanna Grow Up

I was listening to a song today called “Never Grow Up” by Taylor Swift (yes, I said Taylor Swift) and was shipped off on a long train of thought on what it actually means not to grow up. Believe it or not, I think Miss Swift is on to something. It really would be easier to never grow up. For the record, I believe Peter Pan would also agree with Taylor and I. But what does it really mean to never grow up?

Just the other day I told one of my former teachers that I am refusing to grow up. His response was simply, “good”, paired with a genuine smile that exposed a shadow of nostalgia. There is a simplicity that characterizes being young and we think we have no choice but to let go of that simplicity as we grow up. But I disagree. I don’t think life has to be as complicated as we make it. I think we really can refuse to grow up. Let me tell you why.

First of all, it’s painfully true that life is hard. In her song, Taylor equates growing up with life getting harder and people getting hurt, and I think most people would agree that that is true—that’s why my teacher smiled when I said I refuse to grow up, he knows that growing up also means life getting harder. Now, obviously life can be hard when you are little too, but a lot of little kids don’t have a grasp on how rough the world can really be. When I was little, life was about Barbie’s and Polly pockets and playing in the dirt. Even when hard stuff was happening around me, all I was focused on was the good stuff. So what is my point? Life gets complicated as we grow up. It always was hard, but as we start to grow up, we start to take notice of it. We become aware of the pain and hurt in the world and begin to experience it for ourselves. And it kind of sucks. And we, like Taylor, wish we had never grown up.

But while things get complicated—and there is really no avoiding that because we are human—it can also stay simple if we stay focused on what life is really about at the core of everything. When I watch a complicated movie I have to pause frequently to figure out what is going on so that I can keep the story straight in my head. When I get too caught up on the details I lose focus and become completely lost. I have to simplify it so that I can understand what is really going on. I have to be able to understand the core of the movie before I can notice and appreciate the details the second or third time I see it.

Sometimes we get so caught up in the details that we forget the simplicity of the big picture. We forget the central truth of why we are here. We forget the simplicity of the story we are in and get wrapped up in the specifics. If you are anything like me you tend to make things far more complicated than they need to be. I overanalyze and over think things until I don’t even remember what they were like to begin with. All of a sudden, I am in this cloud of what-ifs and rabbit-trails and tangents and I completely forget what is actually going on. I quickly get pulled off track and turn simple things into complicated messes.

But here’s the thing, life doesn’t have to be so complicated. The heart of the story is actually pretty simple. God loves His people. Boom, that’s it. Everything comes back to that truth; it’s the most fundamental part of the story.

In the garden, before evil entered, Adam and Eve were simply with God. Things were simple for them because they merely lived in His love.

In Mark 1, Jesus says to his first disciples “follow me” and they did. Something people spent years working up to (to be a disciple of a rabbi), and for many never became a reality, was broken down for them into a simple call, and they went.

In Mark 12, Jesus breaks down the entirety of the biblical laws to two commands: love God and love others. Something that people spent their lives arguing over and studying was reduced to two simple statements about extending God’s love.

Do you notice anything here? Humans make things complicated, but God’s love is pretty simple. We keep making a mess and God just keeps trying to make it simple again. Simple like in the garden where all they knew was God’s goodness and love. That’s all we really need to know. That’s the core of the story. That’s what we need to get back to.

When I listened to that song, after embarking on this long road trip in my mind, I heard the words differently. It was almost as if God were speaking them to me saying, “Stop making things so complicated and just let me love you already!” I spend so much time debating and wondering and stressing and worrying and analyzing and thinking that I forget that it really is as simple as that. God loves me, I just have to let Him.

Not growing up doesn’t mean being naïve. It doesn’t mean burying your head in the sand and pretending nothing bad ever happens. It doesn’t mean coasting through life with a fake happiness as if everything in life is always peachy. Not growing up means keeping a grasp on what actually matters. It means clinging to the truth that we are loved by the God of the universe. It means keeping your focus on the big picture and letting life be simple, even when it’s chaotic.

We live in the midst of the mess so it can be hard to see, but God’s love is simple. It’s incredible and huge and radical and powerful, but it’s also simple. So I think I agree with Taylor and Peter Pan on this one. Let’s all just never grow up. Let’s all just let God love us and be His little kids forever.

Strong is His Love

“One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving.” (Psalm 62:11-12a)

Perfect love drives out fear. I am perfectly loved. This means I no longer have to fear failure. I no longer have to fear death. I no longer have to fear inadequacy. I no longer have to fear pain. I no longer have to fear loneliness. Perfect love means commitment. Perfect love means selflessness. Perfect love means being perfectly cared for. Perfectly protected. Perfectly romanced. Perfect love lasts forever. I don’t have to fear the end of perfect love because perfect love does not end. If I am perfectly loved, I need not have any fear. Perfect love frees. It sustains. It excites. It assures. I never have to wonder if it will soon be gone because it will always be here. He will always be here. Loving me. Perfectly.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear” (1 John 4:18a)

It is this love—this beautiful love—that changes me. It changes everything I am about. Being loved so perfectly and so completely changes the heart of who you are. With this love, my very core is made up of love, peace, and strength.

“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7)

Nothing can truly break me because of this love. Death itself, the greatest human fear, has been conquered. If death cannot break me, what can?

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?... No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:35,37)

I am strong. Not because I am strong, but because His love is strong. I can withstand the suffering, pain, hardship, persecution, disappointment and heartbreak. Not because I am hardened, but just the opposite. I have been softened. Softened by His love. His perfect love that strengthens me.

“Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me”

-Jon Foreman, “Your Love is Strong”

Stop Trying

We go to school and worry about getting good enough grades. We go to work and worry about doing a good enough job to not get fired. We have friends and worry about being good enough to keep them. We worry about being pretty enough, successful enough, funny enough, happy enough, smart enough. But it occurred to me that this is the exact opposite of what God wants for us. He doesn't want us to worry about being good enough for Him, He just wants us to be His. We worry that we will mess things up and do things wrong and we are afraid, but God doesn't expect perfection.

Think about it, I am sure there are people in your life that you care about in a way that there is nothing they could do that would be bad enough to make you stop caring about them. You care about them selflessly. Now, we are not perfect so we don't selflessly love anyone completely, but you get the idea. This is how God loves us. He wants to be a part of our struggles, He wants us to stop trying to be perfect and just let Him into our failures so He can walk through them with us. He wants our imperfection. He died for that imperfection. He wants to replace our broken imperfect selves with the perfect, whole, beautiful people we were designed to me. We simply have to let Him into the mess.

There's nothing we can do that will ever make Him not love us, because His love isn't based on how well we love Him, it's based on His desire to give perfect love to us. Our failures don't affect His love for us, He wants to be present in those failures, giving us life and hope and peace and strength and joy, never condemnation and shame. That's what the world gives us when we screw up, but God is radically different. He is counter cultural. He gives life where the world brings pain and sorrow. He gives love where the world gives hate and discouragement. He knows our condition. He knows of our imperfection.

But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

-Romans 5:8

Stop trying to not mess up. Stop worrying about being good enough, accept that you aren't and let God amaze you when He tells you that you are good enough for Him. You are human and you can't not mess up. He knows the brokenness and He wants in. Let Him enter into the disaster that is your life. Let Him into the very thing He died to save. That's selfless love. That's how He loves us.

My blanki is special. And so are you.

When I was little I had a blanki. It had Mickey Mouse on it. It was awesome. Now, I don't remember this because I was tiny and my brain had not yet gained good memory skills, but one day, when my dad was leaving town for a business trip, apparently I walked up to him and gave him my blanki to take with him on his trip. This blanki was literally a square piece of cotton with some pictures of an animated mouse on it, definitely not special because of what it was. But my dad still has that blanki today. It means the world to him because of what it represents, the bond between father and daughter. It is valuable because he loves it, and because he loves me, and not for any other reason. It is valuable because my dad said it was.

Hypothetically, lets say someone asked you which meant more to you, a poem you read in a book, or one that someone you love wrote for you. Which would you choose? I would guess that most of us would choose the latter. Maybe it's a poem your 2 year old son wrote for you, or a silly one your best friend wrote for your wedding toast, or even one your parents wrote for you when you were born. In any case, it may not be the best poem in the world by the world's standards, but you love it because it has value to you, a value only you can ascribe to it and maybe no one else understands.

Value is not just a price tag or some other label of worth. Value is given to things that matter, the real question is, what matters?

All of this spurs from something I read today:

"The world loves because of value, but Jesus' love creates value--in us."

-from "My First 30 Quiet Times" by Ty Saltzgiver

Do we see how different these two things really are? One tells us that we are valuable because of what we are, the other tells us we are valuable because of who we are. We can change what we are, but we can not change who we are. If we're honest, this terrifies us. If Jesus' love is true, which I wholeheartedly believe it is, we can't control our value. We can't earn more gold stars, gain more brownie points, or give ourselves more pats on the back. What we do does not affect our worth, which means it is utterly out of our control. And lets face it, humans hate being out of control.

But do we see the flip side? If we can't control it, I mean truly can't control our value at all, then Jesus' love is so radical! His love for us makes us valuable and we can't ever do anything to make us less valuable to Him. His love is perfect, thus our value can not be shaken. We can be completely loved and completely secure and all the while be out of control.

This is not the world we are accustomed to. The world tells us we are valuable because of how we look, how we act, the choices we make, the grades we get, the job we have, the friends we choose to be with, the family we are a part of, the romantic relationship we are (or are not) in, and the list goes on and on. Some of us have most of the things on that list, others of us have none. The problem is, whether we have them or not, none of these things last forever. But if Jesus' love is true, none of this has to define us. If Jesus' love is true, the world is lying to us in every way possible. If Jesus' love is true, our value can never run out when everything else in our life falls to pieces. If Jesus' love is true, we matter.

This means different things to different people. For those of us who believe we matter, we must ask ourselves why. Is is based on what we have and what we do? Or is it that we feel so utterly loved by our perfect Father? Is it because the world has always said you matter? Or is it that you see the truth of Jesus' love for you, even while you are imperfect? For those of us who have trouble believing we matter at all, we are still assuming it's about what we do. We think we aren't good enough, and can never be good enough, to matter to anyone. If you fall into that group, I challenge you to ask this question: does God make worthless things? If we begin to see ourselves as the created beings of God, we start to see our value more and more clearly. God says He made us in His image, how could we be worthless? (listen to the song "You are More" by Tenth Avenue North, it's excellent)

So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

-Genesis 1:27

Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!

-Luke 12:24

We are valuable because of who we are, nothing else. We are the created beings of God. We are His beloved. No matter what we are, we are His. Ladies, you are His daughters. Men, you are His sons. We are heirs to the throne with Christ. We are royalty. Not because of our job or our money of our looks, but because He loves us--and His love creates value.

The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory.

-Romans 8:16-17

Friends, know who you are, and whose you are. Know that you are loved and that you are valued beyond anything you can imagine. Father, may we think of ourselves as valuable, as the created, as beloved sons and daughters. And may we see each other for the people You created us to be. May we know we are valuable, simply because You say we are.

also, I am currently listening to the song "Beautiful Things" by Gungor. It doesn't really relate to any of this but it's really good and I think you need to hear it. That is all.

Promises

"If you'll go get me a cookie I'll love you forever and be your best friend!"

This is how we think of promises. Empty words that are only used to gain some sort of end goal. In today's world, promises can seem to be a tactic people use just to get what they want. I mean lets be serious, when its a cookie you want, you'll promise just about anything (especially if it's a Thin Mint...or an Oreo). We have lost trust in what people say and we refuse to believe people until they finally live up to their word. And who could blame us!? We are promised tons of things all our lives that simply never come to fruition. But here's the thing, human promises aren't perfect and therefore we see them fail. When our parents tell us "you can grow up to be anything you want if you set your mind to it" or "I promise it'll all be ok in the end" it's not that they don't truly mean it, it's just that they aren't omniscient. They just do not know what the future holds for us.

But here's the good part. There is one who really does know what the future holds. And not only that, but is in control of it. His promises are perfect and don't ever fail. His name is God. He's pretty cool.

In the midst of this world where words have lost their meaning, God's Word lives and carries so much truth! His promises are real and they are always fulfilled. God promises us love and peace (Isaiah 54:10). He promises to be with us (Isaiah 41:10, Deut 31:8). He promises to guide us (John 16:13). He promises wisdom (James 1:5). He promises us adoption as sons (John 1:12-13). He promises these and so much to His people, whom He loves.

You see, if these things have been promised to us by God, who knows everything and has the power to bring it about, why should we question Him? So often we treat God as if He were human, as if His promises aren't worthy. But He is the Lord God, the Holy One, and the Creator! Why do we question Him? Why don't we believe His Word? How much more could He change us and love us and show us His glory if we truly trusted in His Word!?

So rejoice my friends! Because He is real and His promises are true. What are you waiting for!? Claim the things He has promised to you and let Him give you life!

Strength That is Not Our Own

Have you ever had a moment while listening to a sermon, or some other talk, where you feel like the speaker is speaking directly to you? Like they must have been told everything about your life before you got there? Like you are somehow, suddenly, the only person in the room and what they are saying was meant only for you? I have. One of those times was this past Sunday. FYI, I'm about to get a bit honest here. I mean, not too intense so don't go crazy, but honest enough to freak me out a little. So there you go.

Here at school I go to a church called Vineyard Christian Fellowship (known to some as "the barn"). The Sunday before last, one of the pastors taught about Nehemiah and how to recognize what God wants you to do, seeing where He wants to use you, and then how to take initiative. This past Sunday was a follow-up, but rather than focusing on the external, this week was about the hearts of the people of Jerusalem. You see, after the wall was finally rebuilt, Ezra read the law of Moses out loud to the people. After hearing it, they began weeping.

I'll come back to what happened with Nehemiah later, but first let me get back to the beginning. Have you ever tried to hide behind a "mask of perfection"? In other words, do you try to pretend your doing great and you've got everything together because you are terrified people will see that you aren't? I have. It's a huge part of my personal story and something I constantly have to fight. Somewhere along the way I got it into my head that I had to be strong. That if I had everything together, if I could take care of myself, it was one less thing other people had to worry about. It didn't matter how I was actually doing because as long as I seemed fine to everyone else, I could convince myself I was fine too. But here's the thing, this doesn't do any good at all. Hiding behind that facade leads to isolation, forgetting how to express (or even feel) emotions, lack of joy, bitterness, and never wanting to take risks. This is how the pastor described the effects of his own "mask of perfection" last Sunday and I don't think they could be any more true. It was one of those moments where you're a little confused as to why they are up there telling your story before you realize they aren't. I've experienced all of those things because of my own mask that I put up. My own "mask of perfection" fueled by the desire to be strong. Doing this for so long, even though I don't even think I realized I was doing it most of the time, has made it hard, even still, to reach out to people. And it's made it incredibly hard to figure out the depth of my own emotions in any situation. So, this mask that was supposed to make me strong has actually turned out to be rather crippling.

That said, back to Nehemiah, because this is that part that actually matters. You see, the peoples' response to hearing the law was weeping and sadness because they realized how they didn't measure up, that they hadn't kept the laws perfectly. And if they're anything like us, I would bet they were starting to think up how they could be better from then on, ready to rely on their own strength to do it. But Nehemiah responds in a way that I never really understood until now. He says, "Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." What the heck does that mean? They're sad because they feel inadequate right? What does joy have to do with strength? And how can joy possibly bring strength? Because they are His.

The reality is we are all broken. We are all struggling with things and none of us are strong enough to deal with those things on our own. But the truth is that we don't have to. God doesn't expect us to be perfect and He already knows we aren't. And if we are all broken and struggling, why do we feel like we can't be? Our own strength is futile and doesn't last. It's not even real most of the time because it's just a mask we hide our weakness behind. His joy is the only thing that keeps us going through the brokenness. His joy is our strength. He doesn't want perfection, He wants us.

When the people finally realize this, they rejoice and celebrate! They are free from the need to be strong on their own because the joy of the Lord is their strength! Truly knowing this frees us to be honest about our brokenness, to pull down the mask that hides us from the world and from the people (and the God) that love us. I am learning this slowly as the Lord is tearing down the massive wall I've spent my life building and I have seen Him work in some incredible (and I truly do mean incredible) ways. His power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Cor 12:9), which means we don't have to be strong on our own. And that, my friends, calls for rejoicing!