I've had to apologize
for so many things the past few weeks. So many things. To myself,
to others, and to the Lord. What have I learned?
1. I'm not perfect.
And I never will be in
this life. I am being humbled by my sinfulness when it shows itself loud
and clear. Life will always be a battle of my sinful flesh against what
is right. The hope is in the fact that the battle has been won, and
eventually, all things will be perfected as they were meant to be.
“So I find this law at work: When I want to do
good, evil is right there with me. For
in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the
members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a
prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.” [Romans 7:21-23]
2. Other people matter
more than my pride.
If I have to become
less so that others they know they matter, then that's what I'll do.
Problem is, it's really hard to admit you were wrong to people, especially
when they've hurt you or you don't think they'll understand. But humility
is about putting those worries aside and doing what's right, no matter how it's
received. If I really love them and want
them to know it, then I will have to come before them with humility, asking for
forgiveness.
“Your attitude should be the same as that of
Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did
not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he
humbled himself
and
became obedient to death —
even death on a cross!”
[Philippians 2:5-8]
3. The Lord deserves
better than what I give Him.
Christ died once for
all. His love covers a multitude of sins. He loves unconditionally,
without ceasing, no matter how He is received. He gets rejected every
day. I fail Him constantly and He loves me consistently. He deserves a life lived to glorify Him, a
life of humility and sacrifice. So I
have to come before Him, as a sinner, asking for His forgiveness. It’s different with Him than with other
people though. With Him, I know He’ll
forgive me and take me back, so there’s no worry in it. It’s a freeing thing, to be able to come
before the Lord in the midst of your imperfection, knowing He’s still going to
love you the same.
You see, His love
isn't based on us, it's based on Him. So
if I'm to love like Christ, then I guess I have to be humbled, putting others
before myself no matter how they receive it. I have to let people know
they matter, even though I fail constantly at loving them well in the first
place. I have to care about them, even if they don't seem to care about
me. And this is incredibly difficult, and completely impossible, without
relying on the love of Christ to fill me up.
So I'm sorry dear
friends, for all of the ways I fail you. I'm sorry for all the ways I
don't love you. I'm sorry for all the times I put myself before you and neglect
you. I'm sorry for all the ways I misrepresent Christ to you.
Please know that you matter. Know that you are loved dearly.
Know that I care about you even when I fail miserably at showing it.
But ultimately, know that you are loved by the King, and no amount of
love that people give you-or don't give you-can ever affect that. It's
because of Him that I am being changed. It's because of Him that I want
to care for the people in my life. It's because of Him that I even have a
chance at loving anyone. Ever.
“Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves
full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners —of whom I am
the worst. But for that very reason I
was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display
his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and
receive eternal life.” [1 Timothy
1:15-16]
Paul said he was the
worst of sinners. I think he was wrong. Because I'm pretty sure
it's me. Thank goodness Christ took care of that for Paul and I.
And for you too. Because without Him, I'd have no hope at all for
my life. Without Christ, I'd be stuck in the horribleness of my sinful
self instead of being changed and refined to look more like Him. Without Christ,
I wouldn't be able to come to you asking for forgiveness, confident that
whether you give it or not, I will still be loved by the Lord.
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for
those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the
Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.” [Romans 8:1-2]
Long story short, I'm
a sinner and I need a savior. Every day. Every single day.
