My blanki is special. And so are you.

When I was little I had a blanki. It had Mickey Mouse on it. It was awesome. Now, I don't remember this because I was tiny and my brain had not yet gained good memory skills, but one day, when my dad was leaving town for a business trip, apparently I walked up to him and gave him my blanki to take with him on his trip. This blanki was literally a square piece of cotton with some pictures of an animated mouse on it, definitely not special because of what it was. But my dad still has that blanki today. It means the world to him because of what it represents, the bond between father and daughter. It is valuable because he loves it, and because he loves me, and not for any other reason. It is valuable because my dad said it was.

Hypothetically, lets say someone asked you which meant more to you, a poem you read in a book, or one that someone you love wrote for you. Which would you choose? I would guess that most of us would choose the latter. Maybe it's a poem your 2 year old son wrote for you, or a silly one your best friend wrote for your wedding toast, or even one your parents wrote for you when you were born. In any case, it may not be the best poem in the world by the world's standards, but you love it because it has value to you, a value only you can ascribe to it and maybe no one else understands.

Value is not just a price tag or some other label of worth. Value is given to things that matter, the real question is, what matters?

All of this spurs from something I read today:

"The world loves because of value, but Jesus' love creates value--in us."

-from "My First 30 Quiet Times" by Ty Saltzgiver

Do we see how different these two things really are? One tells us that we are valuable because of what we are, the other tells us we are valuable because of who we are. We can change what we are, but we can not change who we are. If we're honest, this terrifies us. If Jesus' love is true, which I wholeheartedly believe it is, we can't control our value. We can't earn more gold stars, gain more brownie points, or give ourselves more pats on the back. What we do does not affect our worth, which means it is utterly out of our control. And lets face it, humans hate being out of control.

But do we see the flip side? If we can't control it, I mean truly can't control our value at all, then Jesus' love is so radical! His love for us makes us valuable and we can't ever do anything to make us less valuable to Him. His love is perfect, thus our value can not be shaken. We can be completely loved and completely secure and all the while be out of control.

This is not the world we are accustomed to. The world tells us we are valuable because of how we look, how we act, the choices we make, the grades we get, the job we have, the friends we choose to be with, the family we are a part of, the romantic relationship we are (or are not) in, and the list goes on and on. Some of us have most of the things on that list, others of us have none. The problem is, whether we have them or not, none of these things last forever. But if Jesus' love is true, none of this has to define us. If Jesus' love is true, the world is lying to us in every way possible. If Jesus' love is true, our value can never run out when everything else in our life falls to pieces. If Jesus' love is true, we matter.

This means different things to different people. For those of us who believe we matter, we must ask ourselves why. Is is based on what we have and what we do? Or is it that we feel so utterly loved by our perfect Father? Is it because the world has always said you matter? Or is it that you see the truth of Jesus' love for you, even while you are imperfect? For those of us who have trouble believing we matter at all, we are still assuming it's about what we do. We think we aren't good enough, and can never be good enough, to matter to anyone. If you fall into that group, I challenge you to ask this question: does God make worthless things? If we begin to see ourselves as the created beings of God, we start to see our value more and more clearly. God says He made us in His image, how could we be worthless? (listen to the song "You are More" by Tenth Avenue North, it's excellent)

So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

-Genesis 1:27

Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!

-Luke 12:24

We are valuable because of who we are, nothing else. We are the created beings of God. We are His beloved. No matter what we are, we are His. Ladies, you are His daughters. Men, you are His sons. We are heirs to the throne with Christ. We are royalty. Not because of our job or our money of our looks, but because He loves us--and His love creates value.

The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory.

-Romans 8:16-17

Friends, know who you are, and whose you are. Know that you are loved and that you are valued beyond anything you can imagine. Father, may we think of ourselves as valuable, as the created, as beloved sons and daughters. And may we see each other for the people You created us to be. May we know we are valuable, simply because You say we are.

also, I am currently listening to the song "Beautiful Things" by Gungor. It doesn't really relate to any of this but it's really good and I think you need to hear it. That is all.

Promises

"If you'll go get me a cookie I'll love you forever and be your best friend!"

This is how we think of promises. Empty words that are only used to gain some sort of end goal. In today's world, promises can seem to be a tactic people use just to get what they want. I mean lets be serious, when its a cookie you want, you'll promise just about anything (especially if it's a Thin Mint...or an Oreo). We have lost trust in what people say and we refuse to believe people until they finally live up to their word. And who could blame us!? We are promised tons of things all our lives that simply never come to fruition. But here's the thing, human promises aren't perfect and therefore we see them fail. When our parents tell us "you can grow up to be anything you want if you set your mind to it" or "I promise it'll all be ok in the end" it's not that they don't truly mean it, it's just that they aren't omniscient. They just do not know what the future holds for us.

But here's the good part. There is one who really does know what the future holds. And not only that, but is in control of it. His promises are perfect and don't ever fail. His name is God. He's pretty cool.

In the midst of this world where words have lost their meaning, God's Word lives and carries so much truth! His promises are real and they are always fulfilled. God promises us love and peace (Isaiah 54:10). He promises to be with us (Isaiah 41:10, Deut 31:8). He promises to guide us (John 16:13). He promises wisdom (James 1:5). He promises us adoption as sons (John 1:12-13). He promises these and so much to His people, whom He loves.

You see, if these things have been promised to us by God, who knows everything and has the power to bring it about, why should we question Him? So often we treat God as if He were human, as if His promises aren't worthy. But He is the Lord God, the Holy One, and the Creator! Why do we question Him? Why don't we believe His Word? How much more could He change us and love us and show us His glory if we truly trusted in His Word!?

So rejoice my friends! Because He is real and His promises are true. What are you waiting for!? Claim the things He has promised to you and let Him give you life!

Strength That is Not Our Own

Have you ever had a moment while listening to a sermon, or some other talk, where you feel like the speaker is speaking directly to you? Like they must have been told everything about your life before you got there? Like you are somehow, suddenly, the only person in the room and what they are saying was meant only for you? I have. One of those times was this past Sunday. FYI, I'm about to get a bit honest here. I mean, not too intense so don't go crazy, but honest enough to freak me out a little. So there you go.

Here at school I go to a church called Vineyard Christian Fellowship (known to some as "the barn"). The Sunday before last, one of the pastors taught about Nehemiah and how to recognize what God wants you to do, seeing where He wants to use you, and then how to take initiative. This past Sunday was a follow-up, but rather than focusing on the external, this week was about the hearts of the people of Jerusalem. You see, after the wall was finally rebuilt, Ezra read the law of Moses out loud to the people. After hearing it, they began weeping.

I'll come back to what happened with Nehemiah later, but first let me get back to the beginning. Have you ever tried to hide behind a "mask of perfection"? In other words, do you try to pretend your doing great and you've got everything together because you are terrified people will see that you aren't? I have. It's a huge part of my personal story and something I constantly have to fight. Somewhere along the way I got it into my head that I had to be strong. That if I had everything together, if I could take care of myself, it was one less thing other people had to worry about. It didn't matter how I was actually doing because as long as I seemed fine to everyone else, I could convince myself I was fine too. But here's the thing, this doesn't do any good at all. Hiding behind that facade leads to isolation, forgetting how to express (or even feel) emotions, lack of joy, bitterness, and never wanting to take risks. This is how the pastor described the effects of his own "mask of perfection" last Sunday and I don't think they could be any more true. It was one of those moments where you're a little confused as to why they are up there telling your story before you realize they aren't. I've experienced all of those things because of my own mask that I put up. My own "mask of perfection" fueled by the desire to be strong. Doing this for so long, even though I don't even think I realized I was doing it most of the time, has made it hard, even still, to reach out to people. And it's made it incredibly hard to figure out the depth of my own emotions in any situation. So, this mask that was supposed to make me strong has actually turned out to be rather crippling.

That said, back to Nehemiah, because this is that part that actually matters. You see, the peoples' response to hearing the law was weeping and sadness because they realized how they didn't measure up, that they hadn't kept the laws perfectly. And if they're anything like us, I would bet they were starting to think up how they could be better from then on, ready to rely on their own strength to do it. But Nehemiah responds in a way that I never really understood until now. He says, "Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." What the heck does that mean? They're sad because they feel inadequate right? What does joy have to do with strength? And how can joy possibly bring strength? Because they are His.

The reality is we are all broken. We are all struggling with things and none of us are strong enough to deal with those things on our own. But the truth is that we don't have to. God doesn't expect us to be perfect and He already knows we aren't. And if we are all broken and struggling, why do we feel like we can't be? Our own strength is futile and doesn't last. It's not even real most of the time because it's just a mask we hide our weakness behind. His joy is the only thing that keeps us going through the brokenness. His joy is our strength. He doesn't want perfection, He wants us.

When the people finally realize this, they rejoice and celebrate! They are free from the need to be strong on their own because the joy of the Lord is their strength! Truly knowing this frees us to be honest about our brokenness, to pull down the mask that hides us from the world and from the people (and the God) that love us. I am learning this slowly as the Lord is tearing down the massive wall I've spent my life building and I have seen Him work in some incredible (and I truly do mean incredible) ways. His power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Cor 12:9), which means we don't have to be strong on our own. And that, my friends, calls for rejoicing!

"Even the darkness is not dark to You"

Sometimes He just reaches in, right to the heart of where we are, right into the depth of the darkness that surrounds us, and takes a hold of us. It's not when we expect it and maybe we don't even know the darkness is closing in, but He doesn't care. He sees the darkness but is not afraid. After all, He has already conquered it. He reaches right into it and pulls us out into the light.

"If I say 'surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,' even the darkness will not be dark to You; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You."

-Psalm 139:11-12

The key part of this is that He has overcome the darkness. Forever. It's finished. He gave everything to win back our hearts from the darkness of this world. He loves us that much. There was no way out for us, so He gave us one. The best one. The one thing that could ever bring us back into the beautiful light that is His love. He gave us Christ.

"In Him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it."

-John 1:4-5

So why do we live in darkness when we have already been saved from it? Because we simply don't understand the extent to which He loves us! It's a whole heck of a lot, let me tell you. But even though we still turn away over and over and find ourselves in the darkness again and again, He continues to reach in, just like He did the first time, and pull us out. He never fails to be the light in the darkness. And when I say never, I really mean never.

High Five

So since I enjoyed writing this blog in Israel way more than I expected, I decided to keep updating it every once in a while with various thoughts and experiences! Some of you know that I spent 2 weeks in August at Rockbridge on young life summer staff. To avoid spending 10 hours writing about how great it was, I'll just leave you with this little nugget...

As a summer staffer assigned to the challenge course, one of the things we would do was belay kids on the "high five". Basically, the high five is a telephone pole that kids try to climb up and then jump off of. The goal is to jump out to a glove that's hanging in the air and high five it, hence the name. Sounds crazy, but it's actually pretty awesome. Some kids climb up like it's nobody's business without a care in the world, while other panic the whole way. One day I was belaying a girl that was really nervous about standing on the top of the pole. She climbed all the way up but just couldn't bring herself to let go of the steps and stand. So as an encouragement I said what I had said to so many kids before, "Go ahead and give it a try, whether you jump or fall, I've got you." In that instant, I couldn't help but think that that's exactly how God loves us. He calls us to go, do, serve, and stretch ourselves to the limit, knowing all the while that if we fall, He'll catch us. I couldn't tell this girl whether she would make it or not, and she was shaking like a bowl full of jello so she probably felt incredibly out of control of the the whole situation, but I just wanted her to try. And I knew I was going to catch her and she would be lowered safely to the ground. She had no idea what was going to happen, she just had to trust me.

God just wants us to be a part of the beautiful plan He has worked out for the world. he wants us to have great experiences, to live our lives like they were meant to be lived. He knows that He's going to catch us no matter what (and on that note, love us no matter what). When we trust that He's got us, our fears become obsolete. We can attempt anything, go anywhere, love anyone. We'll mess up for sure and we'll fall along the way but the beauty is that either way-jump or fall-the outcome is the same, He's got us. He's a God that loves us radically, calling us to go out and take risks for Him and rescuing us from how we screw it all up. Is that not awesome!? We go because of this love, this crazy love that is so freeing that we can't help but be compelled by it. We serve because we know He catches us every time and we just can't help but try to love Him back, as feeble our attempts might be. And meanwhile, like a belayer is ready for anything their climber does, God knows what we're going to do every step of the way and He is completely ready to catch us on the way down.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because He first loved us."

1 John 4:18-19

The End

I leave JUC in about 3 hours, my sheruit picks me up at 6:45 to head to the airport for my 11:55 flight back to philly. So around 5 pm in the states I'll be leaving the place that was my home for the last three weeks. It's been an amazing trip, everyone should come to Israel at some point in their lifetime. I already miss all the people that are gone, I made some great friends here. Today has definitely been weird being on my own. I went out and did a little shopping for last minute gifts and got some snacks for the plane (the same biscuit things I raved about in my previous posts!). Do you remember that Full House episode where the 3 girls come home from camp and they are so sad to have left and they go back to return a rabbit that stowed away in the car? Well, they basically get there and it is really different than what they remember because everyone is gone. That's basically what it's been like today. And I am avoiding packing like it's the plague. Well now I'm down to 2 and a half hours til I leave and that includes dinner. So I should definitely go. Thanks to everyone that's been keeping up with my insane blog! Love you all! See you back in the states!

Jordan

Jordan was so great! We got back into Israel yesterday afternoon to a campus full of people we don't know. Everyone that didn't go to Jordan left while we were gone which is so weird and I miss them all already! But I leave today after dinner, so I guess I can survive til then. Here's all the stuff we did in Jordan!

Saturday 7/3:
Today was a long day. We were up at 6am on the bus, started crossing the border around 8, finished crossing around 10:30, then headed on to our destinations. After getting almost no sleep the night before, it was a rough day to say the least. Our first stop was at Jerash, one of the
Decapolis cities back in the day. It was huge and there was tons of awesome sites to see.

Then we trekked over to the Jabbock River at a point that overlooked part of it. This was absolutely stunning! Here we read about Jacob wrestling with God. It would have been somewhere down by this river where Jacob spent the night alone on his way to meet his brother Esau, hoping to be received well. It was amazing to see the very place that this happened and to talk about all that it meant. Being there really makes it come alive.

From here we headed to Dibon, which was the capital of Moab and where the remains of King Mesha's palace are. After a long day we finally made it down to the hotel in Petra where we stayed for the night. I don't think I have ever anticipated sleep quite as much as I did tonight.

Sunday 7/4:

Today began with an awesome breakfast at our hotel before we went over to Petra and spent the whole morning being amazed by the city. Petra is seriously something everyone should see at some point in their lifetime. It is massive and absolutely amazing that all of these remains are still preserved. You can really feel what it would have been like when the wealthy Nabateans lived here. We walked a full 6 miles around Petra, including a long hike up and down a mountain to overlook the city from the "high place". We took a camel ride back to the treasury and then walked out of the city in the heat of the day. By the way, riding a camel is just as awesome as it sounds :)

We headed over to lunch from here (which was excellent!) and then went to overlook the Wadi Dana. Here we read about Moab's revolt against Israel (2 Kings 3). It is in this dry desert wadi that the Kings of Israel, Judah, and Edom would have been when the Lord sent them water. The King of Moab looked down in the morning and saw the red of the sunrise reflecting off of the water, assumed it was blood, and thought the Kings had killed each other. They approached the camps and, to their surprise, the armies rose up and overtook Moab. It was here that God provided for his people and delivered Israel once again, both from thirst and from war.

After this, we went over to Bozrah, the capital of Edom, which is basically a pile of rocks. However, it's a really really cool pile of rocks. We read a ton of scripture that really made us understand the city that once stood here and the people that inhabited it. We read the book of Obadiah, which is entirely about the people of Edom. This gave us so much insight as to who these people were, what they did, and what they were all about. At the end of the day we made our way up to Amman where we stayed at a pretty snazzy hotel and yet another awesome meal and called it a day.

Monday 7/5:
On our last day in Jordan we began at the historic site of Rabah, the ancient capital of Amon. We looked around the archeological museum there where we got to see some of the Dead Sea Scrolls (as well as some of the copper scrolls) and a skull with bore holes in it (apparently the Ammonites attempted brain surgery) along with other cool stuff. Then we headed over to Medeba where we saw the church with the ancient mosaic map of the land and ate our last amazing Jordanian meal.

The best part of today though was our final stop on Mt. Nebo. This is the last place Moses stood, as he looked out over the promised land before he died. We read Deuteronomy 34 as we looked out over Israel, as Moses would have. It was incredible to stand there thinking about how Moses was looking out over a hazy land, not knowing what awaited his people, but with a sense of joy that he was seeing with his own eyes all that God would give them. Paul (the leader of the trip and director of the school) talked about how we are all headed off to different places and we are all at points of our life that still hold uncertainty. But as Moses looked out on the barren land with confidence of God's goodness, so we should trust that God is good and he is leading us to our promised land. With a whole life ahead of me (of which I have no idea what's coming) it gives me such peace to know that I simply don't need to know what the future holds; God is leading me and He is good. Wherever I end up is where He wants me and there is nothing I can do to change it or mess it up, which is incredible! He guides us through the desert and brings us to the promised land and there is no sense in worrying about what is to come.

From Mt. Nebo we went over to the border and crossed back into Israel to end our trip to Jordan. It was an awesome time with great people and some amazing insight into the land of the Transjordan, which is so greatly intertwined into the Old Testament.