Strength That is Not Our Own

Have you ever had a moment while listening to a sermon, or some other talk, where you feel like the speaker is speaking directly to you? Like they must have been told everything about your life before you got there? Like you are somehow, suddenly, the only person in the room and what they are saying was meant only for you? I have. One of those times was this past Sunday. FYI, I'm about to get a bit honest here. I mean, not too intense so don't go crazy, but honest enough to freak me out a little. So there you go.

Here at school I go to a church called Vineyard Christian Fellowship (known to some as "the barn"). The Sunday before last, one of the pastors taught about Nehemiah and how to recognize what God wants you to do, seeing where He wants to use you, and then how to take initiative. This past Sunday was a follow-up, but rather than focusing on the external, this week was about the hearts of the people of Jerusalem. You see, after the wall was finally rebuilt, Ezra read the law of Moses out loud to the people. After hearing it, they began weeping.

I'll come back to what happened with Nehemiah later, but first let me get back to the beginning. Have you ever tried to hide behind a "mask of perfection"? In other words, do you try to pretend your doing great and you've got everything together because you are terrified people will see that you aren't? I have. It's a huge part of my personal story and something I constantly have to fight. Somewhere along the way I got it into my head that I had to be strong. That if I had everything together, if I could take care of myself, it was one less thing other people had to worry about. It didn't matter how I was actually doing because as long as I seemed fine to everyone else, I could convince myself I was fine too. But here's the thing, this doesn't do any good at all. Hiding behind that facade leads to isolation, forgetting how to express (or even feel) emotions, lack of joy, bitterness, and never wanting to take risks. This is how the pastor described the effects of his own "mask of perfection" last Sunday and I don't think they could be any more true. It was one of those moments where you're a little confused as to why they are up there telling your story before you realize they aren't. I've experienced all of those things because of my own mask that I put up. My own "mask of perfection" fueled by the desire to be strong. Doing this for so long, even though I don't even think I realized I was doing it most of the time, has made it hard, even still, to reach out to people. And it's made it incredibly hard to figure out the depth of my own emotions in any situation. So, this mask that was supposed to make me strong has actually turned out to be rather crippling.

That said, back to Nehemiah, because this is that part that actually matters. You see, the peoples' response to hearing the law was weeping and sadness because they realized how they didn't measure up, that they hadn't kept the laws perfectly. And if they're anything like us, I would bet they were starting to think up how they could be better from then on, ready to rely on their own strength to do it. But Nehemiah responds in a way that I never really understood until now. He says, "Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." What the heck does that mean? They're sad because they feel inadequate right? What does joy have to do with strength? And how can joy possibly bring strength? Because they are His.

The reality is we are all broken. We are all struggling with things and none of us are strong enough to deal with those things on our own. But the truth is that we don't have to. God doesn't expect us to be perfect and He already knows we aren't. And if we are all broken and struggling, why do we feel like we can't be? Our own strength is futile and doesn't last. It's not even real most of the time because it's just a mask we hide our weakness behind. His joy is the only thing that keeps us going through the brokenness. His joy is our strength. He doesn't want perfection, He wants us.

When the people finally realize this, they rejoice and celebrate! They are free from the need to be strong on their own because the joy of the Lord is their strength! Truly knowing this frees us to be honest about our brokenness, to pull down the mask that hides us from the world and from the people (and the God) that love us. I am learning this slowly as the Lord is tearing down the massive wall I've spent my life building and I have seen Him work in some incredible (and I truly do mean incredible) ways. His power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Cor 12:9), which means we don't have to be strong on our own. And that, my friends, calls for rejoicing!