Moving On and Cleaning Up

I have two unpacked bags sitting in the middle of my floor.  They have been there for three weeks.  You know when you move and you try to pack strategically but you end up with a few boxes of just useless old papers and letters and potentially important things you aren’t sure if you still need?  That’s the kind of stuff in these bags.  I absolutely, without a doubt, more than I could possibly express, HATE unpacking these bags.  So there they sit, full of old things I don’t need, for weeks.  And weeks and weeks.  (Fun fact, when I was in college I had a bag of stuff like this that followed me all four years.  I took it to every new dorm room with the intention of going through it and never did.  For four years.  Can we say ridiculous?  Because that is totally absurd.)

Here’s the part that gets me though, I don’t want to unpack them.  Yes, I kind of wish my room was less messy.  Yes, I could use the space they are taking up.  Yes, I might find some good stuff in there.  But I also might find some stuff I don’t want to deal with right now.  And my room will feel different when they are gone.

We’ve all got bags like this, it’s called the past.  Just like these bags, there is so much stuff I just don’t want to deal with.  So I let it sit there in the back of my mind, taking up valuable space.  Since it’s been there for so long, I’ve gotten so comfortable with all the baggage that I don’t really want it to change because life might feel so different without the mess.  I might be different having dealt with all of it, and change scares me.  Eventually though, those bags have got to go.  And so does my grasp on things that are in the past.

So I think I’ll finally unpack those bags and see what comes of it.  And I think maybe, if I can, I’ll just start letting go of the things that take up space in my brain.  I’ll just let all of the old stuff be behind me where it’s supposed to be.  I think I’ll start accepting things I can’t change, and continue to pray for that very change to really happen.  I’ll solemnly wave goodbye to the things I don’t want to let go of (but need to) and leap into what’s happening right here, right now.

Father, I’ll be here where you have me, instead of all the places you had me.  Give me the heart to handle what’s real in the present, while remembering the ways you’ve changed me in my past.